Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
