Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
