So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
