i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
