Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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