I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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