I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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