i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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