I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
