Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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