i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
