I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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