Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
