At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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