If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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