I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
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