i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
