nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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