from now on my penis is your penis
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
