i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
