Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
