so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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