just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
