I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
