You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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