Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
