How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
