I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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