Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
