I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We had to coat check the pizza.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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