I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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