It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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