I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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