since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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