so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
