She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
