I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
