Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
