I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
