it was like his penis was on wheels.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
