KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
