she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
The air was thick with penises
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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