ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
