I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
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