hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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