When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
