saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
