If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
it glows. i had to have it.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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