So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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