Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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