when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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