I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
