just survived the first fart of the relationship.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
