Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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