I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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