I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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