Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
