Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize
