i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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