then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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