I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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