the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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