If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
im six kinds of drunk right now
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
