it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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